Secrets
by HotchHoney
Summary: A two week break for the team doesn't turn out to be such a break for JJ, or Hotch when he decides to help her.[first story, pre-Henry&Will, Media Liaison JJ] please read/review, thanks!
1. Chapter 1

_**"They fuck you up, your mum and dad.**_

_**They may not mean to, but they do.**_

_**They fill you with the faults they had**_

_**And add some extra, just for you."**_

JJ stared at the seemingly unorganized clutter of files on her desk. Truth is there was no way you could organize the hundreds of files in her office to make them actually look organized. It didn't matter anyway, JJ was really the only person who had to look at it, and she knew where everything was. She'd been sitting there for who knows how long, having finished her reports for the night and was about to leave when she'd gotten a phone call.

_"Ma'am this is Sargent James here in East Allegheny, is this Jennifer Jareau?"_

_Assuming it was a call about a case that he wanted her to take; she was a little alarmed that it was in the very small town she'd grown up in where everyone knew everyone and everything. She was also wondering why they would call her cell instead of her extension from the FBI. She'd known about three "James" growing up, who know which one this was. "Yes this is her; can I help you with something?" She waited for him to continue, so she could redirect him to a different unit who could be of help since they were getting their annual and mandatory two week break. _

_"Correct me if wrong but isn't Mark Jareau your father? I'm calling because he's escaped from prison in Pittsburgh. Have you got any idea where he would be?"_

_JJ's blood had run cold when she'd heard the name. Her father had been arrested right before she turned 18 and was about to go off to college for killing two 16 year old girls and raping them. She'd told the team that he'd died, never mentioning to them any details about him. She realized she hadn't responded... "No. No... I haven't. I mean, I don't have any idea where he'd be." She was scared she was about to be asked to take the case, but he didn't ask. He just paused for a moment._

_"Okay ma'am. I'll keep you updated." With that he hung up_.

Anyway, here she sat feeling confused, fear, sick to her stomach, and like someone had punched her in the chest repeatedly. Her chest felt tight and her breathing was getting shorter the more she thought about it. She'd known enough from the psychology studying and personal experience that she was going into a panic attack and quickly closed her eyes and tried to calm herself down.

Just then she heard a knock on her door and a familiar deep voice say her name before the door opened, "JJ even I'm about to go home what are you still doing here?" Hotch was usually the last to leave, he just assumed she'd gotten behind on paper work— and was trying to catch up before their well-earned two week vacation, the whole team needed a break — until he saw the expression on her face.

"JJ what's wrong?" He asked, immediately concerned for his coworker and friend. It wasn't often that she showed a case had really gotten to her, but there most recent case wasn't that bad compared to others and something told him this had nothing to do with a case.

"Nothing," JJ breathed unconvincingly. Having him walking in on her trying to calm herself down only made matters worse. "I lost track of time, I'm about to go home."

He furrowed his eyebrows, "Are you feeling okay?"

She immediately knew he wouldn't believe her if she said yes, but what was she supposed to do? She didn't want to just admit to him that she'd lied about her father, and then have to explain to him that he was a killer which would lead to him not trusting her anymore and then turn into him profiling her about the lie and finding out everything. Her mind was racing so much that she hadn't even answered.

"JJ?"

_Get it together, JJ_. "Yeah, I'm just tired." She stood up from her desk.

"JJ you were fine an hour ago. What's happened since then?"

JJ sighed and sat back down. She knew him well enough to know he wasn't going to leave this alone and just let it go. "If I tell you you're not going to talk to anyone else about it? I don't want to be the gossip of the jet."

"Have I ever told someone something that you didn't want me to?" He responded with a question, walking to a chair and moving the stack of files out of it before sitting down. "But no, I won't."

JJ bit her lip; she had no idea where to begin. Blue eyes looking down at a file then back up to Hotch who'd noticed the tight grip she'd hadn't lost on her cell phone.

He nodded to it, "Bad news?"

He eyes widened slightly before she nodded and let out a breath, "I guess you could say that." She paused, "look... I need to come clean about something."

She already had Hotch's attention but that final sentence seemed to get it more, he sat straighter. "Come clean?"

"When... when I joined the bureau…no one ever asked the question."

Hotch wondered what question she was talking about but he didn't interrupt, he just listened.

"And whenever it came up in conversation or rarely in a case it was just easier..." JJ continued, "—it was just easier to lie and say he was dead.

"JJ I—"

"My father isn't dead." JJ finished. "He's far from dead actually, he's just escaped from prison and I have no idea how or where he is."

Hotch sat there, processing what she had just told him, same unreadable expression as usual while JJ sat there, almost certain that he could hear her loud heartbeat all the way from across her desk. He started to ask how she found out he'd escaped but he realized he should know what he was in prison for to begin with, or how her father hadn't shown up in any background check that had been run in the process of her joining the FBI. Surely, if it was something serious, it would be in her file, wouldn't it?

"Why was he in prison?" He asked, speaking up after the moments of silence and could immediately tell that was the question that JJ didn't want to answer. They all had secrets, which he knew. Morgan, for example had kept his hidden away for the longest. Even Hotch himself had some secrets stored away.

JJ sat there, trying to bring herself to tell him, but she couldn't. She opened her mouth but no words came out, she had lied to them.

"Take your time," Hotch told her, because he could see how hard she was struggling to speak, and also because he was still trying to figure it out. Why she would say that her father was dead, why she didn't ever say anything about him being in prison?

"We were never close, I don't even think my mother loved him but that was the thing to do where I'm from, you don't get a divorce unless you want to be talked about for the rest of your life," JJ said, she wasn't sure why, but she felt the need to put it out there that she was never close to this man, this killer. "They were going through a tough time when I was born and he refused to sign my birth certificate."

_Well, that explains why it's not in her file._ Hotch nodded for her to continue, since she hadn't answered his question yet.


	2. Chapter 2

JJ took a deep breath before continuing; knowing that's what he wanted. "He was arrested when I was 17 for killing and raping two teenage girls who went to my school," JJ whispered, biting her bottom lip as her hands fisted together under her desk trying to keep herself under control. She didn't dare try to meet his gaze.

He sat quiet for a moment, he hadn't been expecting that. However, he should have known it would be serious considering she had hidden it from them – from him, and that she looked terrified to say it. He clenched his jaw then unclenched it, nodding gently. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you wouldn't have hired me." It was the truth, who would hire someone into the FBI with that kind of family history? "It wasn't technically a lie, he's dead to me." She could clearly tell that he was upset, for all she knew her job could be on the line however it was hard to read his face. All she could tell was that is ever-present frown was slightly deeper than ordinary.

"What about once you got to know me, JJ? After all these years I know you're the right person for the job, that wouldn't have changed anything."

"What was I supposed to say? Hey Boss, by the way my dad isn't dead he's a killer?"

He didn't answer for a moment, and she kept quiet until he spoke up again, "What are you going to do?"

JJ shook her head. "Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"There's nothing I can do without getting the team involved, which I'm not and you promised you wouldn't tell them." The blonde found herself reminding him of his promise, yet she was the liar here obviously, and she expected him to tell her that–but he didn't.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Here he was, offering to talk and comfort her after what she'd just admitted to him, she shook her head gently- any harder and the tears would have started flowing – she stood and gathered her bag and laptop quickly, "No.. I'll go home, you should to. Vacation time remember?"

She quickly left the room, hearing him say her name once in attempt to stop her but she kept walking, making her way down the stairs to the elevator and pushing the button. She turned and noticed that he grabbed his briefcase and had followed her down the corridor. "Hotch I'm fine, I just need to go home and clear my mind." She stepped into the elevator and he did the same.

"Call me if you need to talk," Hotch said, he knew what a bad father was like, even if his father wasn't a murderer.

"Thanks" JJ nodded softly, keeping her head down as she exited the building and got into her car. Locking the doors once she was inside she began to drive home, feeling like she had just ruined his vacation. Hotch was a worrier, not to mention he had hinted that his father had been abusive, and she hated that she possibly had triggered some memories of some sort.

By the time she got home, she was numb, she walked to her front door and went inside, locking it behind her and setting the alarm as she dropped her stuff on the kitchen table and sat down in a chair, burying her head in her hands. She took a few deep breathes. She had been young, she didn't remember that much, her brain had blocked a lot of it out so she grabbed her laptop and started to research him. Much more information would be able to be found if Garcia were there to help her, she even considered calling her briefly. But that was impossible; she couldn't tell her best friend about this.

She clicked on the first thing that popped up. It had the two victims' names: Jessica Parker and Lucy Harrison. She had technically known both of them, but wasn't close either. Most of her friends were her soccer teammates. She wasn't able to find out too many details except the two had been one year a part, both in horrible conditions when found in a dumpster, raped.

JJ felt her stomach churning in a way that it hadn't in a long time, usually that only happened when a case was really bad and going on in that very moment so she stopped and closed her laptop.

She stayed up a bit longer, eating a bowl of cereal as her diner since she wasn't in the mood for cooking before heading to bed, only briefly shutting her eyes before she was out and the nightmares started.

/

**Author's Note: Sorry for taking so long to update, chapter 3 will be out soon and that's when stuff will actually start happening. Thank you to everyone who left a review last chapter!**


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